


United as One

by SuperDirection



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Meld, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:25:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperDirection/pseuds/SuperDirection
Summary: Don’t panic Tony. Don’t panic. So, he had his team leader’s thoughts in his head. It wasn’t that big of a deal. No problem. Weirder stuff happened all the time. It came with being an Avenger.





	1. Tall, Blonde, and Dangerous

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is just one chapter of many. I will try to update every week, if its possible with school. And I apologize for any grammar mistakes. Enjoy!

Tony would like to say that him and Steve became friends after sitting down and talking about the whole Loki/the world was ending thing like adults. But that would be a lie, because Tony can’t think of a time he’s ever willingly acted like an adult or a time when he was mature and talked about his feelings.  


What really happened was Fury decided that in order for the Avengers to be a team they actually had to be in the same room together and train together. Which theoretically was a good idea. Maria Hill sent them all an email about two months after Loki was taken back to Asgard and told them that they were all to report to shield headquarters bright and early Monday to have a group training session. She phrased it like a request, but Tony took it for what it was: a demand.  


When he arrived at the outdoor Shield training facility he was surprised to see that only Steve, Natasha and Clint were there. Tony reasoned it was because Thor probably didn’t have wifi in the middle of the galaxy, and Bruce was probably out saving the world one philanthropic mission at a time. Honestly, he was making them all look bad. And what could Shield even say to Bruce? Sorry guy who happens to turn into a rage monster would you be so kind as to stop helping tiny orphan child because we want to see if there is any possible weakness of the thing you created? Please, and thank you. That probably would not go over well with the Hulk.  


_But when he got there the Wonder Twins and Maria were standing near Steve, all of them sporting frowns on their faces.  
_

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_“What’s up my favorite little Shield minions?” Tony tried to dispel the tension, because it was so thick that it could be cut with a knife.  
_

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_Steve turned to look at Tony. Steve turned to give Tony a quick nod before turning his eyes back toward the course before him.  
_

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_The Wonder Twins and Hill didn’t even acknowledge him.  
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__“So, what are we all staring so intently at?” It looked like a regular obstacle course to Tony, and he couldn’t see the significance of it. He hated being out of the loop.  
_ _

____

_“Agent Hill would like me to learn to work with guns and complete this obstacle course,” Steve said, with a slight frown on his face.  
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_Tony felt bad for Maria, Steve was close to her and now he was referring to her as Agent. Which for Steve and his polite factor was the equivalent of slapping someone in the face.  
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_“And you don’t want to do that?” Tony asked, confused. He had never heard of Steve disobeying a direct order. It went against the whole perfect soldier thing that he had going on.  
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_“As I told them,” Steve said, gesturing towards the other three, “I don’t use guns.”  
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_“Captain,” Maria said, slight annoyance on her face, “as I told you before it’s important for you to be able to use all types of weapons and be prepared for all times of situations.”  
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_Tony thought the whole thing was bullshit. Steve was a weapon. If he didn’t want to use guns, then Shield shouldn’t make him.  
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_“I think you should let this go, I don’t think this is the hill you want to die on.” Tony said, attempting to defuse the situation. “What are your thoughts?” Tony directed the question to the other two, who had remained silent thus far.  
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_Natasha remained impassive and shrugged. “Having more skills can never be a bad thing.”  
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_Clint fiddled with his bow. “I agree with Tasha. When we actually go out there, we want everyone on the team to be the best possible. We want everyone coming home.” Clint said the last bit a little lower.  
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_Steve flinched. Tony and Steve were both thinking about who didn’t come home last fight. That’s probably what got to Steve, because he ran a hand over his face and look defeated.  
_

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_“What is the objective of the course?”  
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_Hill looked happier than Tony had ever seen her. Which honestly was not saying much.  
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_“The course begins when you press the button. At each stop there will be a gun than needs to be assembled. The first stop is reached at the top of that hill,” Hill said pointing with her finger, “you will have to assemble a sniper rifle to hit the three moving targets at the bottom. From there, you will go down the hill assemble the gun at that station and hit the designated targets at varying distances. And lastly, you will have to round the corners of the simulated warehouse. Hostages and assailants will appear, and it will be your job to ensure that you only shoot the assailants and not the hostages. The course is completed when you disassemble the last gun and hit the button at the end.”  
_

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_Steve appeared to get more and more tense the more Maria explained. “And I’m the only one expected to learn this?” It was a valid question, because it seemed unlikely that Maria would make him do it. Weapons manufacturing was his thing, and he was intimately aware of how to use them.  
_

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_Maria seemed to pause. “Your teammates will learn as it is deemed necessary. We’ll begin by teaching you how to clean and assemble guns, and then teach you to shoot. It shouldn’t take more than a week to get you to complete the course.”  
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_“And what’s the time you want me to have the entire course completed by?”  
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_“Ideally you would learn to complete the course in under fifteen minutes.”  
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_Steve nodded, and then took off. Steve raced up the hill.  
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_“Captain!” Hill yelled, her scream clearly distressed. But Steve couldn’t hear her or chose to ignore her. Tony figured it was most likely the second, him being a super soldier and all.  
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_It left them with no other option but to sit back and watch. Tony’s eyes weren’t the best, especially considering he was getting up there in years, but it looked to him like Steve was expertly putting together the first sniper rifle. Steve then began firing. From where they were standing they couldn’t see the Steve’s shots._  


_It seemed to Tony to be no time at all when Steve went flying to the next station. None of the others seemed to think it was a good idea to attempt to stop him from doing whatever it is he was going to do.  
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_The minutes ticked by, and Tony was getting more and more anxious. He had seen Steve enter the last part of the obstacle. He had no idea how Steve was doing.  
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_It was clear the others were unhappy as they were all sporting matching frowns. Tony wondered if they all took the same frowning course at Shield._  


_Finally, the sound of the buzzer signifying the end of the course went off and Steve jogged towards them.  
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_Steve had a hard look on his face, and he thrusted a gun toward Maria’s chest. She held it, clearly not knowing what to do with it.  
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_“I think that was about ten minutes flat. I said I don’t use guns, not that I didn’t know how to use them. I think this session is over,” Steve said, walking out of the building.  
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_It was the most badass thing Tony had ever seen. And he was lying if he didn’t say a little hot.  
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_Maria seemed to snap out of her stupor, because she began walking towards the first stop to press the button to bring the first targets forward.  
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_As the target sheets moved closer, Tony didn’t even have to ask if they were perfect head shots. Clint’s low whistle was proof enough. Maria, clearly not deterred, moved towards the next stop. The others followed, like the good ducklings they were. Maria went down the line, hitting three different buttons for the three different targets.  
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_Nat had a smirk on her face, that she was clearly trying not to hide. Tony didn’t understand. It sounded like Steve took a lot of shots at this station, but each target only appeared to have one shot in each. It was a perfect shot, but one shot nonetheless.  
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_It wasn’t until the target was less than a foot away from Tony did he understand. There was one shot, but it was clear several shots had been fired hitting the exact same spot. Every shot that Steve fired hit perfectly.  
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_Maria seemed to get this too, as she moved soundlessly towards the last stop. The others wordlessly followed.  
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_As they rounded the corners, all the hostages appeared intact. Steve clearly hadn’t hit any of them. Tony looked around at the walls and didn’t notice that Clint stopped in front of him until Tony ran into him. Tony went to apologize, but then he noticed the writing on the wall.  
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_The wall said, “NO GUNS!” Underneath were what Tony believed were meant to be the assailants. They were all tied up together. Tony had no idea where Steve had gotten the rope or the marker, but the message was loud and clear.  
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_Maria just turned and walked away. The dismissal was clear.  
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__

Now any normal person would have looked at Steve’s actions that day and stayed far away from him. Or at least would recognize that Steve was dangerous and would stay a professional distance away from him. Tony, being the man that he is, was only intrigued by Steve even more. It was clear that Steve just wasn’t some perfect soldier that did whatever Shield told him to do. Steve clearly had his own set of morals and wouldn’t hedge on them. And it was clear Steve had been through some things and had his own set of demons. Tony could respect that. It wasn’t as though Tony wasn’t dealing with his own shit.  


All of this added up to Tony going to Steve’s Shield issued room after their failed training session.  


Tony took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. Steve opened the door and looked surprised to see him.  


“Are you here to talk about what just happened?” Steve asked, his posture becoming more rigid. It was clear Steve was bracing himself for a fight, or at least an argument.  


Tony waved his hand around. “It’s over and done with Capsicle. I actually have a proposition for you. I wanted to know if you want to move into the tower.”  


Steve frowned. “You think I need to be at the tower,” Steve said slowly, seeming to test out each word.  


Tony winced. He didn’t think about how this would look to Steve. It wasn’t like the two of them were best friends or anything. Steve probably thought Tony was going to make him live in the tower to keep an eye on him, because Tony thought he was dangerous.  


“No, it was just an offer. I thought all of the Avengers could move in. Like one giant sleepover. And anyway, these Shield quarters are depressing.” Tony hadn’t really been looking before, but the rooms were depressing. They weren’t even large enough for a regular sized person let alone a beefed up super soldier.  


Steve didn’t look convinced. “Look Steve,” Tony said with his hands up in a defensive manner, “I’m going to invite all of Avengers, I just started with you because of proximity purposes. I really think this will do a lot of morale. I think it’s important for us to be a team.” Tony tried to sound honest and wholesome. It wasn’t something he tried often, because wholesome was not a good look for him. Tony was really just banking on Steve being big on teamwork.  


Steve began chewing on his lip, contemplating the offer. Tony wished he would hurry up, because it was a good look on Steve and it was making the room seem a little bit warmer every second that went by.  


“Well if you think it’s best for the team,” Steve hedged, “then I suppose I should move in.” Steve still seemed hesitant, but Tony could work with that.  


“That’s the spirit. I’ll send you the passcodes and I’ll make up a room for you that should be ready in a week. Let me know if I need to send someone over to help you with any boxes.” It was really a whole floor, but Tony thought mentioning that wouldn’t make Steve any more endeared to the idea.  


Steve nodded. “Thanks Tony,” Steve whispered. Tony probably wasn’t supposed to hear it, but he warmed a little anyway.


	2. Off-Brand Criss Angel

And so, it began. Tony did end up inviting the rest of the Avengers. He had been meaning to do it anyway, but Steve’s little f-you to Shield just pushed him towards it quicker. 

It was hard at first, he wasn’t going to lie. He wasn’t used to having so many people in his space. He had Pepper for a little while, but she was always gone saving the company, saving the world, saving Tony from himself. And eventually he didn’t even have her. It was just too much for her, and she decided that Tony and her shouldn’t occupy their space and room in the same way anymore. She had explained it all in a way that made so much sense, that it would seem like Tony was being unreasonable if he argued. So, he didn’t. He watched her walk away and tried to pretend that she wasn’t taking a big piece of him with her as she was leaving. 

But it didn’t seem like the Avengers were going to leave anytime soon. Thor only lived in the tower part time because he was still responsible for what happened in Asgard. Bruce came and went too because of all of his personal mission trips. But no matter how long he was gone, he always came back. Clint and Natasha used the tower for a home-base after their missions because they still worked for Shield in other capacities. Tony didn’t love that they were still out there doing things that they couldn’t talk about, even though they were all on the same team, but he came to understand that they were spies through and through. 

Steve was the biggest constant in the tower. When he first arrived, Steve seemed unhappy. He had two boxes to his name, and he seemed to think being given a whole floor to himself was excessive. Tony knew that was going to one of his first arguments, so he just countered insisting the only reason it seemed excessive was because Shield only gave Steve one room. And this way he could have his own bathroom and kitchen and wasn’t that just great? And then followed that up with a guilt trip about how the Avengers really needed to put down roots and didn’t they deserve that? And as their leader Steve should set an example. It was laying it on thick, but the two-pronged approach seemed to work since Steve didn’t bring it up again. 

After his initial hesitance, Steve seemed to enjoy being in the tower. Tony liked to believe that it was because Steve was starting to feel at home in the tower and not just because Steve had nowhere else to go and the tower had a state-of-the-art gym. 

Steve didn’t have any other commitments, so him and Tony started to hang out more and more. It also didn’t hurt that they were the only ones up at certain hours. Steve because he liked running early, and Tony because he hadn’t slept yet. 

It worked. The team was working together better than ever, and Tony would even classify him and Steve as friends. It was a whole new world. 

Tony should have known that something huge was around the corner, especially given how good things had been. Tony should have known that good things don’t last. 

It started after a fight with some wannabe magician who was attempting to destroy the world. Which to Tony was the worst possible kind of villain. Magic was bad enough as is, the world didn’t need someone who was BAD at magic too. 

Avengers calls these days were actually kind of boring. Well as boring as fighting magicians can be. Maybe it was the living together, or Steve stepping up as leader, but the Avengers had been working together almost flawlessly. 

_It then came as a surprise when Tony was hit with a pink bubble by the off-brand Criss Angel. For the last several missions, none of the team had gotten anything more than a scratch._

_Tony braced himself for impact, but the pink bubble seemed to disappear around the suit. Almost as though the suit absorbed it. It was official: Tony is amazing, and so are his inventions._

_Cap was clearly not as amazed as Tony was by his inventions because Tony could hear the panic in his voice over the coms._

_“Shellhead, report in!”_

_It was cute that Cap was so worried. Tony liked to believe that it was because he was easily Steve’s favorite, but Tony knew it was because Steve had a thing about something happening to the team while on Steve’s watch._

_“Don’t worry Capsicle, the suit seemed to stop whatever it was the Less than Magnificent Magician just threw at me. Or cast at me?”_

_“Why is it that you just have to try to piss off villains who use magic?” Steve said through gritted teeth._

_Tony just grinned. “Why you know me Cap,” he said gesturing towards himself, “I just aim to please.”_

___Tony didn’t have any more time to reflect on his own internal need to piss of villains, because Cap had thrown his shield and hit the magician, who had cleverly named himself Magician, with what Tony would call righteous indication. Magician was incapacitated and from there it was all about cleanup. Shield had to take Magician into custody, the streets needed to be cleaned, citizens needed to be allowed back past the barriers, and most importantly the team needed to eat._ _ _

___Over the truly disgusting amounts of Chinese food, Tony forgot all about Magician and whatever pink substance had erupted from his hands._ _ _

___That was until a week later, when Tony jolted awake. Now it was not altogether out of the ordinary for Tony to wake up drenched in sweat, heart beating wildly, hands grippingly the sheets. Nightmares came with the territory of being Tony Stark. What was out of the ordinary was that Tony wasn’t having a nightmare. His genius brain never quite shut off at night, so he was usually able to recall with scarily accurate details his nightmares._ _ _

___Tony was still trying to shake the mind-numbing panic that had overtaken him, so it took him a minute to realize something was-off. He felt cold, but that didn’t make sense. He kept his room at a temperature that kept him warm at all times._ _ _

___He was having thoughts that he didn’t remember creating. It was the oddest sensation. They were like spider webs clinging to the far-off parts of his brain, appearing in all the nooks and crannies, and they clearly weren’t thoughts that belonged to Tony._ _ _

___He thought about bitter-cold nights, high snowy mountain tops, and falling. Falling. The word repeated itself in his brain. Over and over again. Every time he thought the word, he was met with the feeling of severe loss. It was excruciating. It was like losing a limb._ _ _

___Sweat dripped down his face. His eyes were glassy. He clutched his head. The thoughts were beginning to overpower him. Nothing was making sense. Tony was vaguely aware of Jarvis attempting to get his attention, but he couldn’t focus. He wanted to cry out. The grief was too much. The loss felt too great. But when thoughts of crying appeared, they were met with feelings of extreme shame and guilt._ _ _

___Tony’s brain was going to mush. There was too much swirling around for anything to make sense. His thoughts came and went so quickly, he thought they were going to melt out of his ears. His brain, the thing he valued most, was failing him. It felt like the most bitter of betrayals._ _ _

___As quickly as the dark thoughts appeared, they disappeared. It was jarring. It was like whiplash. Tony felt bile begin to climb up his throat. His breath began to become steadier as thoughts of picture frames, watches, and side tables entered his mind. Those three words repeating themselves over and over. Picture frame. Watch. Side table. Picture frame. Watch. Side table. The words steadied him with their rhythm._ _ _

___The steadier his breath became, the clearer it became. Whoever the thoughts belonged to clearly just had a panic attack and had seen a therapist about it. Or at least knew something about coping strategies. This particular one Tony learned from one of his numerous therapists, Marge. Marge had taught him to orient himself in the space and in present time by listing the objects that were nearby._ _ _

___While the thoughts were no longer gathering in the deep recesses of his mind, feelings just kept washing over Tony. He felt the need to get up and be productive. These were met with feelings of being anxious and overwhelmed. Whoever these thoughts belonged to had to be exhausted. They were too much for Tony to handle and he only had them for ten minutes._ _ _

___“Sir, do you require assistance?” Tony had forgotten that Jarvis had be trying to get his attention and that if he didn’t respond soon his room would be filled with emergency services._ _ _

___“Call off the cavalry Jarvis, I just had a nightmare. Nothing to worry about.” Well at least Tony hoped there was nothing to worry about._ _ _

___“Very well sir.” Jarvis seemed to be talking in a bored tone, but Tony knew better. For a computer program, Jarvis was awful protective of Tony. It probably said a lot about him that he created a program that learned to care about him and attempt to shield him from his own self-destructive behavior. These where the types of things that Tony’s previous therapists used to find fascinating._ _ _

___Tony’s mind began swirling. There had to be a reason he was suddenly getting double the amount of feelings. These feelings had to belong to someone, and if he could figure out who then maybe he could get them to stop._ _ _

___The only problem with that method was that there are millions of possible people. Tony hoped they belonged to someone in the immediate vicinity, but he wasn’t usually that lucky._ _ _

___“Jarvis has anyone in the tower experienced an increase in heart rate and breathing in the last half hour?” If Tony was going to figure this out he should probably start with the people he could easily narrow down._ _ _

___“Sir, may I remind you that I haven’t been given permission to give you such personal information?” Jarvis said, sounding indignant. Tony was really going to have to do something about his coding. When he invented Jarvis, he didn’t think he would create a machine that would be pissed at him more often than not._ _ _

___“Jarvis, I’m worried about someone in the tower. I just need to know whether there was a spike in anyone’s heart rate. I don’t need anything more than that.” It was rather embarrassing that Tony had to needle his own creation to agree with him, but that’s where they were._ _ _

___“Well Sir, it goes against the objectives set out in my programming, but Captain Rogers experienced a significant spike in heart rate approximately ten minutes ago.”_ _ _

___Then it hit Tony. Falling. Cold. Loss. Steve._ _ _


	3. Don't Ask a Question You Don't Want the Answer to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, this chapter is a little bit longer than the previous ones. But it was also way harder for me to write. I hope it wasn't to all over the place. And I hope you like it.

Don’t panic Tony. Don’t panic. So, he had his team leader’s thoughts in his head. It wasn’t that big of a deal. No problem. Weirder stuff happened all the time. It came with being an Avenger. 

But despite his efforts to convince himself, Tony was concerned with a capital C. He needed to figure this out one step at a time. Steps he could do. He lived for puzzles. 

Step one, he needed to put on clothes and get ready for the day because he thought better with his life semi together. 

As he brushed his teeth and got dressed, Tony was hit with all kinds of feelings and thoughts. It was clear that Steve was on a run. Tony could feel the slap of shoes against the pavement. The feeling of pairs of eyes on his back, pretending that they weren’t looking. He smelled pumpkin muffins being made in the bakery down the block. Tony’s senses were so overwhelmed he didn’t even notice that he was sitting on his bed dumbly with one sock and one off. 

The fact that Tony could still sense all the things Steve was feeling and seeing even though Steve was over four miles away at this point, helped Tony with step two of his plan. Step two involved figuring out how far the mind thing went and whether Steve was picking up Tony’s feelings too. Tony seriously doubted it because Steve wasn’t having any panicky feelings or wasn’t thinking any of Tony’s thoughts. And that thought put Tony on a downward spiral thinking about how one can think thoughts about thoughts that another person had about the thoughts of the first person. It hurt his brain, which was saying something considering his genius status. 

Step three of the plan involved learning to control the thoughts Tony was getting long enough for him to figure out how to fix it. That probably involved figuring out how it happened in the first place. 

So really three easy steps. Tony had this in the bag. People didn’t call him a genius for nothing. 

That feeling lasted all of about five seconds, when Tony became so overwhelmed that he felt like he was floating. It happened so quickly he wasn’t even sure at first what was going on. One minute he was laying on his bed feeling sorry for himself, and the next he was in the park. 

_“So are we going to talk about that date that you had last night?” Sam said, while he stretched._

_Steve sighed. “I didn’t go Sam but based on the look on your face I’m going to guess you already knew that.”_

_“I didn’t know for sure but based on past experiences I was fairly confident.”_

_Steve looked down, avoiding eye contact with Sam. “I just don’t think I’m ready for that yet Sam. Everything is still so new and shiny and big and scary, and a million other adjectives I can’t think of right now. I just need to process it all.” Steve began rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, half out of habit and half to make Sam feel bad enough to let it go. The whole thing was making him very uncomfortable. Steve could respect what Sam was trying to do and he understood that Sam was worried about him, but he didn’t really feel like being in a relationship was the end all be all and that being in one proved that he was all nice and well adjusted. And frankly, Steve didn’t much like that his team was so obsessed with his personal life._

_“Steve,” Sam said with a sigh. “You know that I just want what’s best for you. If it’s not a relationship, then I don’t want to push. I just want you to be happy and healthy. Have you been checking in with that therapist?”_

_That was a tricky question. Steve hadn’t been seeing the therapist. Steve knew that Sam couldn’t tell when he was lying, but he didn’t know if Sam already knew the answer to the question. He also didn’t enjoy lying._

_“I’m doing what the therapist told me to do. And I’m working on adjusting.” Steve figured it was true enough since he took her advice earlier on what to do with nightmares and thinking about how everyone he grew up with and loved was dead only slightly made his heart break. Which was an upgrade from the debilitating heart shattering empty feeling that those thoughts used to give Steve. That sounded like adjusting to him._

_“That’s all I can ask of you,” Sam said in the utterly sincere way that only he could accomplish._

_“Jeez Sam we get it, I’m the light of your life and you would be lost without me,” Steve said as he puffed up his chest. Sam laughed, and pushed back on Steve’s chest, aiming to deflate it. Sam’s movement was barely enough to even register to Steve, but he pushed it back all the same._

_“Steve you are such a dork. And I know that you’re just trying to distract me so that I don’t kick your ass in this run. But I’ll have you know what I’ve been practicing and will be running circles around you.” This was a bit that they did every time they ran. Sam always boasted that he would win. Steve always let him pretend, and he even ran a little bit slower than he actually could, so he didn’t completely demolish Sam’s pride. Steve was rather fond of this back and forth._

_“Alright tough guy. Three laps around the park, we’ll see who the real winner is.” Steve barely finished talking before Sam took off like a shot._

___Tony jolted upright in his bed. He was panting hard. He wasn’t sure if it was because Steve was working out hard. Or from that fact that he was just casually in Steve’s brain and was seeing what he was seeing, feeling what he was feeling. You know. All causal like._ _ _

___Tony tried to convince himself that it wasn’t a big freaking deal. But he knew it was. Whatever connection he and Steve had it went deeper than he originally thought. And he didn’t relish the fact that he had zero control over entering Steve’s head. He wasn’t trying to do it. And it could be dangerous if it happened again at the wrong time. He knew that he should explain to Steve what was happening, and he should ask to be benched. But those two thoughts made his heart hurt and his palm sweat. Being an Avenger was really all he had right now. And that thought made him even more anxious._ _ _

___So, Tony did what any good scientist would do. He decided to form a hypothesis and perform an experiment._ _ _

___Well perform an experiment may have been a slight misnomer. All he did was wait by the coffee machine down in the communal kitchen downstairs to wait for Steve. Which was made easier by the fact that he was acutely aware of when Steve would be back. And slightly tiring. Having the feelings of a person who just run ten miles was annoying._ _ _

___“Hey Tony, what are you doing up so early?”_ _ _

___Steve looked concerned. And Tony had the extra benefit of actually knowing that Steve was concerned, because he felt it. Very genuinely too. Man, Tony was really an ass for not telling him. And may be even more of an ass if he gets a reaction to what he was about to do next._ _ _

___It may not have been the most scientific of methods, but Tony just screamed really loudly. In his head of course. If he did it outside, Steve would put on even more of a concerned face. And that face made Tony feel like he was the biggest failure in the world and also like he kicked a puppy. It was a very expressive face._ _ _

___And his screaming got no reaction from Steve. Not an internal wince, not an external yelp. Nothing. It was clear that Steve wasn’t getting any of Tony’s thoughts. Which likely meant he wasn’t getting any of his feelings either or seeing into his mind at all. It just confirmed what Tony already suspected, but it was nice to have definitive proof._ _ _

___While Tony was thinking all about this how mind reading thingy he completely forgot all about the fact that Steve had asked him a question. And it was even more concerning that he only remembered because Steve was wondering whether not answering meant something was wrong or if it was just a typical Tony thing._ _ _

___“Sorry Cap, I was just off in my own world,” he said as he lifted up his cup of coffee. “You know that I’m basically useless without a cup of coffee.”_ _ _

___Steve nodded like it made sense. “And you woke up because you needed a cup of coffee?” Steve sounded suspicious. This was not good. Tony needed to act normal. God, he forgotten what normal even was._ _ _

___“No, I just woke up early because I managed to figure out the problem I was working on last night while I was sleeping. Woke up to get a head start on it.” Tony hoped that sounded reasonable enough._ _ _

___It should have been a good explanation. It was a good explanation. Except as soon as he said it, he got a bunch of thoughts in his head and he really didn’t like it._ _ _

_“Tony's heart rate just increased by four beats per minute. He just lied. He would have no reason to lie if he woke up to actually do a project. Which means he doesn’t want anyone to know why he’s really up. And as he was lying, he took a sip of his coffee to avoid eye contact which means he’s ashamed. And not much shames Tony unless he thinks that somehow, it’s a sign of weakness. Which means he’s probably having nightmares again and doesn’t want anyone to know it. I need to look out for that. Make sure Tony knows he's not alone.”_

___Tony hoped his face was resembling something other than an slack jawed idiot. Because Steve had all of these thoughts while pulling milk out of the fridge and picking out a cereal for breakfast. Steve’s brain was working as fast as his did, and Steve could tell just from his heart rate that he was lying. Tony was not a fan._ _ _

___“Well Tony, I’m glad that you figured that problem out. And if you wanted to talk about your project, or anything at all I’m here.” Steve said this all very earnestly. Tony hated it. Hated that Steve knew that he was lying and let him do it right to Steve’s face. Hated that Steve was giving him an out while also trying to look out for him._ _ _

___“Yeah, well,” Tony said eloquently while putting his mug into the sink. He didn’t feel much like drinking coffee anymore. He didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. This whole thing was stupid. He felt stupid because now all he was doing was questioning all the times in their friendship Steve had let him lie. He knew it was dumb. So, Steve was a supersoldier and could hear heart beats and detect lies. So, what if every time they had ever fought Steve already knew when Tony was just being an ass. So, what if Steve could probably hear all the times his anxiety made his heart race. So, what if Steve probably knew all his weaknesses, all his squishy bits._ _ _

___And that’s when it hit Tony. It was an ugly ugly thought. Steve had access to more information than he should have. Why shouldn’t Tony? Tony could ask Steve whatever he wanted, and even if Steve lied Tony could just take a quick peak inside of his mind and find out the truth. It was full proof. It was evil. And wrong. And not the way to treat friends. But Tony was hurting. And when he was hurting, he did irresponsible things. Things that made Pepper and Rhodey sigh._ _ _

___Tony turned around to look at Steve, his mug forgotten. “Steve, when we first met on the jet how much of that fight was about the scepter?” It wasn’t a fair question, they had agreed to move past that. They had agreed to be friends. And Tony may have caused a blow-up fight, just because he could._ _ _

___He almost took it back. He almost took back the question and said that it didn’t matter that he didn’t need to know. But it was too late. The damage was done. And then Tony was faced with the one person that he didn’t want to see: Howard._ _ _

_“Howard, what are you doing here?” Steve was nervous. Howard had the most brilliant mind Steve had ever seen. He was brave. He was loyal. But he was also curios. And a scientist. While Steve and he were friends, Steve was still a result of a bottle. He was still an anomaly. A puzzle. Something that Howard needed to do tests on. Something that Howard could experiment with. Something he could solve, no matter what the cost. Results mattered to him. Not the methods._

_“Sorry Steve. I know it isn’t pleasant, but there are some pain tests I would like to perform. I would really like to stress your body today. See what you’re truly capable of. What your body can heal. And how quickly.” Howard tried to make it all seem some clinical and serious. But Steve couldn’t help but notice he was excited._

_“Of, course Howard. Whatever you need.” After all, Steve couldn’t fault him for just doing his job._

___Tony was thrown so quickly from Steve’s thoughts, that it was like whiplash. Tony could tell he was breathing heavy. It was all too much. He needed out. It was the wrong moment to look up from where he was clutching the counter for dear life, because Steve was staring at him. Perfect Steve. Exactly the man his father described him to be. And the thought of Tony’s father put him down that spiral again._ _ _

___It just never occurred to Tony that Steve had come onto that plane with his own set of baggage. Baggage about Tony’s father. Baggage that probably made Steve terrified that Tony was just like any other scientist. Just like Howard. Steve probably just thought Tony was only there to hurt him. To experiment on him. To treat him as if he were only a lab rat. And it probably didn’t help that one of the first things Tony did was tell him everything that made him special came from a bottle. When that wasn’t even remotely true._ _ _

___“Tony are you okay,” Steve said while holding his arm gently. Like he thought Tony was so fragile. Like Tony was breakable. Like it never occurred to Steve, that he was breakable too._ _ _

___“I just. I don’t…I think I may be ill.” That was as close as Tony could describe it. Because he did feel ill. And Steve holding him and talking to him gently and offering to bring him to his room to lie down and to bring him a glass of water wasn’t helping. Steve was being too kind. Tony wanted him mad. Angry. Angry, Tony could deal with._ _ _

___“You know what. I think I’m going to go to my room to lie down.” And then Tony did the most mature adult thing he could. Fled._ _ _


	4. Steve Rogers and the terrible no good interview

After Tony so gracefully fled from Steve, Steve sought him out. Because of course he did. Steve wanted to know if there was something going on with Tony, because he was acting weird lately and he thought something might be wrong. And it would have been the moment to say that something was wrong. But Tony was a coward and said everything was fine. So instead of coming clean, Tony decided the best thing to do would be to not tell Steve anything and only use his newfound powers for good. Like becoming better friends with Steve. It was an admirable goal and totally worth keeping a secret from Steve. Totally. Tony just had to keep reminding himself of that fact. Repeatedly.  


Especially at times like now when Tony could see through the chink in the armor that Steve so carefully put together. The two of them were doing an interview together. Fury and someone from Shield who said a lot of words that Tony had paid absolutely no attention to, said it would be a good idea to put a face to the Avengers. Remind the people that the Avengers were people. Which was ridiculous because the team included an actual god and whatever the hell the Hulk was. And Steve. Who was a super-human, but Tony guesses was tangentially human enough for the Shield people, because Shield still thought it was a good idea to make him and Tony the face of the Avengers. Aka they were chosen to give pointless interviews about their personal lives.  


Tony didn’t really mind. He figured he could use this press event to get out of some of the interviews he was sure Pepper had lined up for him, because he was sure that she would love a very vanilla interview he was most likely going to give thanks to dear old Cap. And he was used to the whole dog and pony show. He had long perfected the answering a question without saying anything at all.  


So, when the Shield Agent, Shield PR Manager? God, why couldn’t Tony remember who she was? Finally got around to asking them, Tony said yes. It was no skin off of his back. But it clearly was a big deal for Cap. Or rather not clearly, but Tony could sense the discomfort coming off of him in waves. If Tony didn’t have an up close and personal view into Steve’s mind, he would have thought for Steve doing the interview was no big deal. But of course, Steve wouldn’t say that he had a problem with it. Tony knew he would never say anything that would disappoint anyone. So instead, Steve just said he would be happy to do it.  


When Tony and Steve had left the meeting, Steve had even stopped Tony and asked him privately if Tony was really okay with attending the interview. Steve had bitten his lip when he asked, which was distracting, and Tony could sense that Steve was worried that Tony would fall apart if the interviewer even so much as hinted at his relationship with Pepper. It had actually kind of… sweet. Totally unnecessary, but sweet. After Tony had reiterated again that it was no big deal for him, Tony tried to hint to Steve that he could back out if he really wanted to, Shield be damned.  


Steve clearly didn’t pick up Tony’s hinting, because currently they were sitting on a couch with an all too eager female interviewer, who was leaning just a tad too close to Steve. Not that Tony noticed. But if he did notice, Tony couldn't blame her. She didn’t see Steve everyday like he did. She didn’t have the opportunity to immunize herself against being flustered in his presence. It was a gradual process. Steve just had such a natural charm and presence that made people feel important just by existing. People couldn't help but want to be near it. To hold some little part of it. Not that Tony himself felt that way. He just knew the look.  


Tony was so deep into his musing that he almost missed what the interviewer asked. He only zoned back in, because Steve noticed the gleeful look on her face which Steve thought could only lead to trouble.  


“So, Steve Rogers, may I call you Steve Rogers?" The interviewer looked expectantly at Steve.  


“Of course, Anne.” Good thing Steve was such a kiss up an remembered her name. Tony had planned on just calling her darling the whole time.  


“I just wanted to ask you about-” She wasn’t even half way through her question before Tony heard an internal plea: _please don’t ask about Peggy, please don't ask about Peggy, please don't ask about Peggy. _Tony braced himself against his armrest, psyching himself up to take over the interview if need be.  
__

__

____

_____ _

__

__“I just wanted to ask you about Peggy for a minute here.” Tony really hoped this interviewer would be polite and only talk about Peggy’s work at Shield. He should have known better.  
_ _

__“Your relationship with Peggy became public knowledge through interviews from other people, not yourself. I was just wondering if you think it’s hard for celebrities be open about their sexuality and their sexual partners?”  
_ _

__It had to be the worst question in the history of questions. There was no good way to answer that question. It was clearly devised to get to Steve’s sexual partners and sexuality. It was cruel. And Tony was having none of it.  
_ _

__“Well you see Anne,” Steve said. Tony could feel him grasping for words. Grasping for the right thing to say without being offensive and without being rude. Tony had no such qualms.  
_ _

__“Excuse me Steve, but I think I’m going to have to cut in here. Are you trying to ask Steve about his sexuality and sexual partners?” Tony said, with forced politeness.  
_ _

__Anne clearly took the hint, because she leaned back a little. “Well I suppose that’s what I’m getting at.”  
_ _

__“Well then I’m going to have to cut you off there. That question is totally inappropriate. Steve risks his life almost daily to protect millions of people he has never met. He risked his life back in the 40s to make sure that we all can even sit here today. He willingly agreed to sit down with you and have a polite conversation, and instead of taking the opportunity to talk to him about any of his accomplishments, enough of which could fill a book, but you just want to talk to him about his sexuality? And you think it’s acceptable because he’s in the public eye? Well I want you to know, and everyone to know that celebrities are entitled to their privacy and that this line of questioning is unprofessional, and this meeting is done.” Tony ripped his mic off of his shirt and stood up. He was making a scene, but honestly, he couldn’t care less. And when he was done here, he was going to sic Pepper on her and make sure that Anne wouldn’t work in media ever again.  
_ _

__Steve seemed to take his lead. He stood up and turned toward Anne.  
_ _

__“Ma’am I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave. I want to make it clear that I’m walking out because of the millions of children who will likely watch this video. I want them to know that this type of behavior is unacceptable. To try to force someone to talk about their sexual orientation might get someone killed. And frankly its bullying. And ma’am I never liked bullies.” With that, Steve ripped off her mic and gave it to her. It had to be the politest smackdown in the history of smackdowns. Anne flinched back. It’s clear that Steve’s words hit her hard. Good. Tony hoped she learned her lesson.  
_ _

__Tony led Steve towards the back of his car. They didn’t say a word to each other until Steve opened to door to get out.  
_ _

__“Tony.” Steve turned to look at him.  
_ _

__“Yeah, Steve?”  
_ _

__“Thank you.” It was a loaded thank you, and they both knew it.  
_ _

__“Anytime Steve.” And Tony really meant it. Every day that Tony was in Steve’s head he learned about how hard Steve was struggling. How much he tried to be perfect. How hard he tried to learn about the world, how hard he cared. The least Tony could do was look out for him.__  
***  


__Later, when Tony was called into Fury’s office, he thought for sure he was in for a verbal takedown. Fury rarely called him in to say he did something right. But when Tony sat down, Fury just stared at him and pushed a cookie towards him. Tony understood that it was a Fury’s own form of a gold star._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that technically this chapter is late. And it's a bit short. The holidays have me a bit scattered. But I'm hoping to have another chapter up pretty soon. And I'm sorry that there hasn't been a lot to Tony and Steve's relationship yet, but when I said slow burn I meant slow burn. So, let me know what you guys think and if you liked it. Your kudos and comments feed my soul.
> 
> P.S. This chapter was inspired in part by an interview that Tom Hardy did where the interviewer asked him about his sexuality and it was horrible.


End file.
